Sorry I forgot my memory?

Saturday – 1 day to go.

I hopped in the car with my sheets of music (that I couldn’t read) and drove down the freeway to meet Groove and co at the Old Mill Theatre.

I walked through the back door where the crew greeted me and started showing me how one would get on the floor and pretend to act like a cat.

“You may want to do this Hayley,” said Groove as rolled onto his back and pretended to be enjoying a belly rub. He hopped up off the ground, grabbed my recordings and started to make me sing the Lyrics.

“At the end of the day Hayley you are best to sing what you enjoy” He said after I rolled out the  end notes to Skyfall by Adelle.

Ok then its Good old-fashioned Lover By Freddie Mercury and Memory by Elaine Page.

Sunday- 3 hours till Audition.

Waking up after a bottle of Moscato, I was trying to gather every fibre of courage that I could find in my soul. Truth be told that whilst I was feeling brave last weekend ready to audition, I certainly wasn’t feeling the love now. What was I thinking? It was 12pm and the Cats audition was only a matter of hours away. I had it down pat though. My little Oscar slept quietly at my feet as I had the words to Memory in front of me on the table singing the same verses over and over again. He was obviously just as over it as my Aunty Jo was. Over and over I sung the lines until it was 2pm. And the phone rang! It was an ex boyfriend who “accidentally rang me” to see how I was and give me an update on his life. Like I really gave a sh*t. I ended the conversation bluntly and focus back on the music. Trust my luck for that to happen at a critical moment in my not yet discovered theatre career! That’s ok, on the drive in there I sung it over and over again, bellowing the tunes from the car, lucky I didn’t get pulled over for noise pollution.. I had the “memory” I just needed the will power

Sunday- 10 minutes till Audition.

The first cock up of the whole thing was that I couldn’t find change for the ticket meter. I didn’t know I would have to pay to park at a school of all places. But after  clearing every bit of coin from the bottom of my bag, I walked in. It was then that I realized what I had done. I was surrounded by people who had been in theatre all their lives. Regardless of their size, height or culture in someway they were here for pure talent or because mother and father had forced the skills into them with thousands of dollars of ballet classes and private tuition. And here I was.. Just a belly dancer who could sing a bit.

After being shown a whole routine and being expected to remember it within 15 minutes, I suddenly realized that I shouldn’t even bother trying to remember the routine.. It simply wasn’t going to happen.

“Don’t worry if you can’t remember the routine, we have positions for singers and dancers alone” The instructor said.

At least I had my vocal cords.

A tall young man stood next to me as I stuck my fingers into my ears trying to drown out a girl who was trying to intimidate us all with her vocal cords. “Trala la la la la la laaaa!.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him.

She blasted again.. “Tra lala la lala LA LA LAH!! And she went again. “TRA LAH LAH LA LAH LALALA LAAAH” Yikes.

‘Come sing with me in the corner’ I said. He followed me in, I knew instantly when I saw him dancing that he was a dancer, he was so talented and I was proud just to be there with someone like him.

“You start, IM TO SHY!” he said.

” Look in the mirror and sing with me, not to me and you’ll be fine” I started conducting and he joined in.

“OMG you can sing!! He said.

“Just concentrate on you!”

“And the wind… Begins to moan…” Argh I can’t reach the note!” he yelped..

“Just sing sing and breathe it out” I sung. Next thing I knew, another 2 girls came to join in to be conducted. Even if I didn’t make it in, at least I was here to give them the warm up they deserved without being intimidated by the girl over the back.

Then it was my turn.

I walked into the audition room and introduced myself.

“And what do you have to sing for us today?” The gent on the right said.

“Good old-fashioned Lover boy by Queen and Memory as my cats song”

“ooh Interesting selection.. And do you have a part in mind”

“Not really, any will do” I said as I got ushered into the middle.

The piano player started playing..

“I can dim the lights and sing you songs” flowed out of my mouth and started to rise up through to the ceiling and swirled around the room a bit like the smell of nanny’s Sunday apple pie. It was amazing as my soul started to lift into the room. I was so relieved just to get the song out properly with piano sheet music being played that I hadn’t even heard yet.

I looked up at them as the man leant over and I over heard him say, “this is a strong voice”

And then clunk! The piano player jolted the notes into a rhythm that I didn’t recognise.

I stopped.

“That’s ok we’ve heard enough, Next song thanks”

“Memory, not a sound on the pavement, has the moon lost her memory, she is smiling alone”

And then it happened. Horror of Horrors, I panicked and my mind went blank. Could it be possible that I forgot the words to Memory? The whole reason I was here!!??

The producer tried to prompt me but it wasn’t happening.The pianist gave me her sheet music but the problem was I couldn’t read it!! I panicked even more and stared at them.

“I’m sorry I know all the words but I just cant do it today’..

Gahh I was doomed!!

Finding Freddie!

So having made up my mind to audition for Cats, I thought I could only get by with a little help from my friends. Time to spread the word and book my audition, I only had 6 days. The instructions were to pick a song of your choice and one from the show. I only knew one word from one song out of the whole musical and that was ‘Memory’, what was I going to do? I downloaded the whole Musical on iTunes and listened to it in the car, what song should I try to learn. Memory would be so Cliche’
Wednesday 3.5 days to go:
I sent a text to the only person I knew could help with the acting.
“Groove, I need someone to teach me how to act this thing” Perfect timing, groove was in the middle of a crisis and whenever a crisis happened, his mobile texts always felt like they were yelled down from the end of a tunnel, almost like he was running to his next crisis with the wind blowing in his face while he spoke.
“I’VE NEVER DONE A MUSICAL, YOU NEED SOMEONE WHO HAS!!”
“Well I don’t know anyone, so you’re it mate” Later that night, I got another text.
“MEET ME AT THE THEATRE 1 PM SAT, BRING BACKING MUSIC AND EMAIL ME YOUR EXPERIENCE, I WILL WRITE YOUR THEATRE CV” What’s a theatre CV I thought.. And before I had a chance to ask…
“IT TELLS THEM THE EXPERIENCE IN MUSIC AND THEATRE, WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING AND I’LL WORK MY MAGIC”
Ok so that was one person.

Thursday evening 2.5 days to go:

I drove to Beej’s house to get backing tracks. Surrounded by his “Kiss” memorabilia, Beej’s leather trousers and microphone stand were strategically placed in the lounge room corner ready for his next karaoke night. A true child of the 80’s, my karaoke king sat on the couch, gave me some pizza and grabbed my hand.
“Hayley… Darl…” Beej looked at me sympathetically, knowing deep down that yet again his friend had got herself into a fiddle, “Do you even know what it’s about?” He knew me too well, I showed a cheesy grin and he rolled his eyes.
“Ok, so it’s a story about a bunch of cats, they sing and dance on the stage and each has their own story to tell. Grizzabella sings “Memory’ because she used to be beautiful but now she’s old, she sings about it- blah, blah, blah and essentially, she becomes the chosen one, is reborn and is made beautiful again. Got it?”
“Got it”
“Now, if you don’t know any of the other songs, then I’m going to pick ‘Memory’ for you seeing as you at least know one word as well as the tune, despite how ironic it is that you have a brain like a sieve”
“Thanks”
“Now we are going to go through my Karaoke list and pick out 3 songs that you can sing with ease and you’re going to take it home and sing it on repeat in your Mazda until you’re singing it in your sleep”.
We scrolled and scrolled. Down through the As, the Bs, Cs and through to the Ls. Then in the pure genius of the moment his cursor fell on one of the greatest musicians of all time… Freddie Mercury… it must have been a sign. Our eyes met both knowing what the other was thinking.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking B1?” Beej immediately rose up out of his chair, handed me his half eaten slice of pizza and lunged for the microphone.
“Let’s do this Jones!” He commanded.

Suddenly feeling like I was in one of those glorified comedies – the likes of Dodgeball and Zoolander, I rose to the challenge of singing through each song till something felt right. An hour later it was down to 3 own choice songs. Good old-fashioned Lover boy or Play the game by Queen or Skyfall by Adele, if I could find the sheet music.

I drove home trying to remember to be Brave..to think of the cuz and the aunt..

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Lips like Jagger!

Another day on the job and nothing beats running into the shops on your way home.. 5pm, you know all the retailers are circumnavigating the till ready to start cash down and settlement for the day. So the naughty part of you thinks “Well I’ll just take my time because other people did this to me when I was in retail” LOL. But you know better and you go in there and chat for what you have to and leave knowing they want to get home to their partners or pets or maybe they have a yoga class at 6.30pm.

So I was rather surprised when I went to buy my foundation and mascara and the lady started showing me the lipstick. Maybe she was low on sales?
“Oh you have to try this new lippy!” She said, “there’s such an array of colours this year”

In a creepy way this bird sounded like the lady from Kath and Kim in the cookware shop! Seriously? I didn’t think people ACTUALLY spoke like that! Even so, I love those hornbags!

“Oh you haave to try on this colour, is so you..”
“It is? I said. Standing there like a pork chop squirming as she rolled her ooos and arrrs.

“Here try this one..”
“It looks like the other colours, whats so good about it” I asked as she smeared it all over my lips.
I pouted in the mirror.. She pulled out the tissue box and started drawing lips against my wishes, but I sat there and let her think she was doing the good sell.
“Ooh it looks deevine!” She slurred. ” This waan has gorrt the silver flecks through it and the one im putting on you now.. has 24 ct gold through it” Sooow it reflects in the light you see”

“Why would you put gold in something you would have on your li…
I stopped dead in my tracks.
“Gold? You mean real gold?
“Yes Darling weren’t you listening, had a long day have we or have you been smoking the whoopie weed?”
“QUICK GET IT OFF, I’M ALLERGIC TO GOLD!!” I shrilled it her! “And no disrespect I don’t want to look like Mick Jagger!!”